Chris Soucy. Few words when paired together strike such terror in the hearts of men. A world traveler, a puppeteer, a soldier and a children’s book author, Chris balances his time of badassery with a healthy dose of neurosis. He can be found arguing with shopping carts and reciting poetry to fire hydrants. While not technically homeless, he refuses to bath or sleep indoors. In the fall of ’93 he wrestled a grizzly bear to the ground and delivered no less than three hundred nuggies to the poor bear’s skull. He was last seen moving south on I-95 riding a emu. If you encounter Chris Soucy, do not engage in conversation, simply contact the closest nuclear armed government and vacate to the safety of a concrete shelter.